Getting Real: Erasing What “Should” Be

What if you got rid of all the little nagging voices in your head? In a moment of transparency, we listen to this a lot. A lot of self-doubt, a lot of comparison, and if we’re honest, a lot of self-hatred comes through these passageways during the day.

What if every time you heard that you should be doing something you let it go?

The average person has 27,000 thoughts a day. That’s right 27,000. For most around 75-80% of these thoughts are negative. They’re constantly coming through. Your day may look something like this.

You push snooze and get up a half an hour late. And the cycle begins. You should have gotten up earlier. You should have gone to bed earlier. You should have set your clothes out, spend some moments of peace and quiet, and you should have worked out prior to the start of your morning routine.

Then you head to the shower and get ready for the day. As you look in the mirror, you look at yourself in disgust. You think about the salad you should have had yesterday instead of a sandwich. You look at your body and think of what it should look like. Instead of being kind to yourself and seeing the beauty within, you place yourself under a scrupulous and crushing standard. Whether it’s your hips, the size of your frame, or the nose you got from that side of the family. It all should look different.

You head to work. Then your brain is plagued with a unique tension. Living in the land of having large hopes and dreams, but still residing in the 9-5 reality you dread. Finding yourself in the tension and reminding yourself where you should be. Where your side hustle should be 2 years in, what your stats should look like on social media, what percentages your business should be bringing in. On your lunch break, you find yourself scrolling through your Pinterest feeds and you immediately feel behind. 5 steps to improve this, the thousands others are bringing in, and what this space should look like. Your heart quickens, you have heightened anticipation, and you look at everything you would rather be doing with your time instead of filling out Word docs.

Notice a pattern here? If we let it the “should be’s” in life become the domain, it will chart our course and kill us. Life will be filled with obligation, negativity, and self-deprication.

What are the “should be’s” in your life at the moment?

I should be married by now.
I should be farther along in this process.
I should have more money in the bank.
My body should be tighter, firmer, and less wrinkled.

Can we erase “should be” from our vernacular?

What would life look like without adding our own crippling expectations, criticisms, and standards?

What if we learned to set goals, move forward, and be kind to ourselves?

Removing the “should bes” from my own life

Over the past few months, I’ve been learning to remove these words from my vocabulary. It has been powerful. Instead of telling myself everywhere I should be and what I should be doing, I focus on what I have done. Taking time to tell myself what I’m proud of doing before I go to bed has been a game changer. There’s something about instead of beating yourself up at night and your mind reeling about tomorrow’s to-do list, I find joy and accomplishment in three things I’m proud I did on that given day. I fall asleep and have sound sleep. It’s amazing.

Through this simple practice, it has affected other areas of my life. I always work toward excellence and feel most alive when I’m doing my absolute best. With this there is an easy caveat to fall into. Perfectionism and facing everything with brute self-criticism can fill my days. While well-intentioned, it leaves little place for celebrating victories and finding fulfillment in what has been accomplished. Dropping the what should have happened as I look at various situations that fill my days, has been vital.

What are the ways you are going to erase the “should bes” in your own life?

I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to comment below.

 

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