As I write this post, there’s something within me that would love to withhold. To give you fluff or fill the screen with niceties. That would be easy. However, I must admit that this past month has been full of disappointments. I was embarking on fall, thinking community and relationships were going to look one way. Then, blindsighted, everything changed. It was out of my control. There I was left, hurt, speechless, and trying to pick up the pieces of my life, knowing I was going back into school and would have to rebuild again. There are moments in life where I have been shocked, taken aback, and wondered, “What the heck just happened?” This month has been one of those, repeatedly. It’s one where I’m learning that relationships, restoration, and feeling successful in them is an area I still have a lot to grow in. There’s so much I don’t know.
After the month, can I tell you something? I still don’t have answers. I still don’t know why things happened the way they did. I can tell you details, but what really happened? I can’t tell you why restoration hasn’t looked the way I’ve desired or how it is all going to work out. I have no idea. My heart is still very much in process, learning to give myself grace as I journey through the questions that easily meander in and out of my mind throughout the day.
Disappointments. We all have them. The diagnosis comes in after waiting at the doctor’s office, you don’t get the bid for the job, or a red slip lands on your desk. The relationship ends, and you find yourself picking up the pieces. You invest in others and don’t see anything in return. Hard things happen, and it hurts. It is easy to sit there and wallow in the disappointment, to throw a massive pity-party for yourself. That would be easy….
But can I tell you something? It’s time to stop staring at the problem.
Over the past month, I’ve been looking at the problems, the ins and outs, the nuances and details, and progressions. Nothing about the problem has changed, and it hasn’t helped. Sometimes the solution isn’t ever found in looking at the problem. Instead, we force our mind to live in the disappointment and explore it over and over again. I’ve never found any breakthrough or revelation by staring at a problem. Instead the problem becomes an all-consuming monster. Find some people to breathe life into your situation. Seriously. You know those people in your life where you feel amazing after being around them? Go find them and hang out with them. You might just think differently after you leave their company.
Within disappointment, go love yourself.
Seriously. When we forget to love ourselves in light of disappointments, we do no one favors. You are imperfect. Sometimes the chips fall where the chips fall and there’s nothing you can do to change a situation. However, neglecting yourself, what your heart needs, and isolating yourself from others won’t help you move past disappointment. If you need to feel good about yourself, sometimes that means coffee with a friend, getting dressed up and getting out of the house, or forcing yourself to go have fun. There were many days I didn’t feel like doing something, but I made time to love myself and move forward. Every time I did, it was worth it. (Granted, appointments for getting a massage, enjoying a delicious coffee, or going on an adventure with friends was always something to look forward to, regardless of what the day looked like.)
Remind yourself of who you are. You are more than your disappointment.
Failure. Rejected. Less than valuable. Not worth committing to. All of these are statements that have gone through my mind over the past month. Are they true? Not at all. Did they feel valid? Absolutely. Today, regardless of the disappointment, may I remind you-who you are, your value, and your worth, has absolutely no basis in your latest disappointment. It doesn’t. It isn’t who you are and isn’t the way your future is going to repeat itself. Find a list of truths, ways you really do see yourself. Remind yourself of them over and over again until you believe it. You are valuable, worthy of love. You do work-life balance well. You are worth signing contracts with. You are a successful business owner. Your beauty is unparalleled. The dreams in your heart are worth pursuing. You are worthy of committing to. I could go on, but you get the idea.
Hope doesn’t disappoint. Ever.
In life, there are moments where things don’t work out. Yet, because of my faith I cling tightly to words, dreams, and ways things have worked things out for my best. I may not always understand things, I may be triggered or grapple for truth among the tear-stained tissues at times. That’s real and okay. I permit myself those moments. But it doesn’t end there. Here’s the thing about hope-if it’s not good, it’s not the end. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but I think there’s loads of wisdom from that phrase. Hope reminds us of the future, of vision, and tells us that the best is yet to come. It’s unending and something I can be aware of all of the time. The best way I know how to overcome disappointment?
Press in and hold on to hope.